Future Certainty in life is scary


I have often heard people whine about how they want 'stability' in their lives, something to fall back on, to depend on after a long hectic day of work. if I were to speak in terms of defining relationships in the same way, marriage is nothing but a way to find some stability in an otherwise hectic life, to be reassured that while all else may come and go, that person who we love and loves us will be there for us. I don't quite feel the same way.

I find that over time, stability and routine can become painfully boring and dull, the person you love and depend on becomes just a person you care enough about to tolerate and live with, this is especially true if either or both persons in a relationship don't have a busy enough life of their own or long distance relationships and such. Phrases like, 'I will love you forever', 'love you always', 'together for eternity', a few years ago would have made me feel all warm and tingly with love and affection but today these words scare me. You may find me insensitive or crazy, or that I just don't know what love is, but point is I know myself better than anybody else, and I know what I fear.

Forever sounds like a painfully long time, a dreary unchanging stretch of time stretching out ahead of me, like walking through mud in shackles. Perhaps I'm just an adrenaline junkie, simply cannot stay in one place or with one person for too long. I constantly seek excitement and thrill, the rush of natural drugs secreted by our own organs, to be on the edge. At some point, I too would perhaps like to slow down and find someone who's gonna be there with me at the end of long day, a support in bad times, and someone to share the sunsets with. But right now, I need that rush, the thrill of the hunt, tracking, chasing, trying a shot, never certain if you'll get your mark or not, and with each failed mark your emotional strength grows. I'm not looking at one night stands here, but those times when you want someone to keep up the banter, both not sure of what would happen next, constantly on their toes to not let the ground fall from beneath their feet.  

From wanting certainty to surviving on the thrill of uncertainty in life, I'm not sure whether I have matured or vice versa, or simply become even more crazy since then.  Now I'm not saying that's the best way, or the correct approach to life, just my view, to live a life full of adrenaline and instability, to find sanity in lunacy, and always be true to yourself.


Comments

  1. Radha RajanJanuary 20, 2014 at 6:53 PM

    at your age that's a lot of understanding of life and nice to see you take a stance.it's better to be unpretentious and upfront about your beliefs.But just take responsibility for your actions always and make your views known to the ones on the other side of the court!!

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