Kill The Conductor

You live in New Delhi, the capital city of the great nation of India. You use public transport whenever possible, either for financial reasons or simply because you are trying to reduce your carbon footprint. You have the auto-rickshaw if you are in a hurry or traveling to poorly connected areas or carrying a large package. You have the metro to travel across the city in a delay-free, air-conditioned environment, with the assurance of reaching your designated metro station. Last but the most important, you have the bus service, and here you will re-read the title and probably nod your head in agreement. For those of you not in or from New Delhi, allow me to share.

The Delhi Transport Corporation has deployed about 3106 CNG buses for service in the City and National Capital Region. There are plying on about 773 routes to cover as much of the city and towns as possible by road. On top of this you have the private chartered bus services and feeder buses at metro stations. Mind you, these buses are an option from all the other means of public transport stated earlier, yet during rush hours, you will find near all of those buses, overcrowded and overflowing. Only recently did the DTC introduced the low floor buses with automated doors, and air conditioning in nearly half of them, and hence have discouraged people to travel hanging by the doors. There is a law against overcrowding in buses but private charters rarely obey, and contractual workers for the DTC are always greedy to earn more. Hence, those buses have people clambering over each other so as not to fall out of the damn bus, which is meanwhile being driven wildly around at speeds of 40-50 km/h. This crowd behavior is further encouraged by the calls of the bus conductor much to the discomfort of the passengers already on board.

Like all modes of shared public transport, one has to pay the fare and buy the ticket as proof of payment. In the low floor bus design, the conductor is seated on a high seat, right next to the boarding doors at the back, like a throne, making it easier for him to collect fares and distribute tickets in the sea of flailing arms. In the private and feeder buses however, the conductor goes from seat to seat, collecting fares, calling out to the people waiting at bus stands to board the bus, making empty promises of the space inside the bus. In a overcrowded country like India, most of the lower economy class people have a habit of traveling squished up against other people’s armpits and will climb into that minuscule gap, smiling as if it were an achievement to be proud of.

As a passenger on board, who got on when there was sufficient space, it is extremely frustrating and infuriating when the damn conductor keeps calling to people to get on the bus, asking those inside to ‘kindly adjust’ to accommodate them, and refuses to move until he has new passengers, hence delaying you, the one who was already on board, from reaching their destination. 

At this point, you start feeling extreme hatred towards the conductor, and blaming his ‘kind’(conductors) for half of the transport problems in the city (which they probably are),  contemplating on horrific endings for him should you be given the chance. Pushing him off into the traffic is tempting as he leans out the door, scanning for possible victims waiting for a bus, seems to be the most popular and realistic execution of this evil doer. But then the rational mind kicks in and peace and silent hatred is maintained.

Still, it would be nice if it were legally acceptable, in those conditions, to kill the damn conductor.