Instance of Madness

A dictionary would define the word 'madness' as a state of being severely mentally ill, but over time and use, it is often used to describe strange and absurd behaviour as well. Going by the title of this blog, I think we can assume such is expected of the author, and here's an example.

This past week, I had my mid term examinations in college and thus could not write any posts. I'm happy to report that my minimalistic efforts for those tests were rewarded with the same enthusiasm. But this has been our, me and my friends, attitude towards these internal exams, and it usually works well enough. I would do a light preparation for next day's test, we would all meet in the canteen or Donut's car in the morning, hours before the paper,  so that I could teach what I learned and we would revise. Its the fourth semester now, and we don't see enough reason to change this system. Now, that's enough of a backgrounder, to the point of this post.

That day, it was test of what is usually my favourite subject to study, 'Advertising Basics', and yet I found myself completely lacking in motivation to prepare for it(attributed to my hatred for the teacher who teaches it) and so I went completely blank the next day. As usual, in the cafeteria, we were just about to start studying, in which I bring the focus and attention of everyone else to the notes, when this strange sensation overcame my body. I felt unable, almost allergic to studying. I had the notes right there in my hand, and yet, all the words looked blurred and I just put it down. An urge to eat sweet chocolates, drink soft drinks and enjoy life took control of me in such a way that I could not resist. And so we all spent the next  3 hours, trying to focus on the task at hand, and failing magnificently.

Finally it was time to go in for the exam, feeling the unease of poor preparation after a long time, I sat down and scanned through the paper. The questions were simple, straight forward and not that difficult, all you had to do was study the notes that were conveniently emailed to you, and had been looking at all morning. Unfortunately, that was the very thing, I HADN'T done. But I figured I knew enough to write some twisted, vague but not stupid answers that would get me over the line. An hour into the exam, I am left with 50% of the paper to finish, and I know if I put my mind to it, I could get through it. But as I sat there, trying to frame my answers from whatever loose bits of information I could remember, something in my head just, snapped.

I looked at the question paper, and then my answer sheet and then gazed around the room at the bowed down heads of my friends who too were busy thinking or writing. Seized by my crazy thought, I closed my answer sheet, handed it in, and walked out. Without answering the remaining questions, or even trying to, I just, got up and walked out. Of course, its not the marks that worry a student, its their parents scolding for poor grades, so I messaged my dad about the scenario before I lost my nerve, which as I suspected was a good thing I did.

While waiting downstairs for the others, I pondered over what I had just done, and why. I still have no idea what happened inside my head, but it was still there to the extent that I decided not to give my French exam either that day, and just be free. Till today, I cannot recall what that mad thought was which allowed me to act this way. I have no regrets about my actions, but I wish I could at least explain them, to myself at least. But it appears, that is not to be, and this instance of madness will be added to an already looong list of questionable but not-regretted decisions I have made thus far in life.