Another One of Life's Delusions

They say that if you keep trying and keep thinking about it, you believe in it hard enough, and then it can become a reality. But what if what it was something that you never really wanted for yourself? What if someday you suddenly find yourself questioning when exactly was it that you decided to do what it is you're doing and you just can't remember when did you ever say "This is what I want to do"? Odds are you were trying to figure things out for yourself like everyone does, and you found something that seemed closest to your interests at that point in time and you thought "Yeah, okay. I'll do that."

And that's the kicker, the gap between "I want to do that" and "I'll do that", and how so many people go through their entire lives in denial of the gap's existence. Others realise it but have found a way to be happy with it and enjoy the good things in life. But the moment of realisation, when the illusions shatter and you see the gap, that hurts. Depending on what point in life does that moment come, the reactions vary. 

Some may say that this is just another mental mechanism to justify your failures or difficulties to yourself, but I trust there is more to it than that. Now, if there is a problem, there is bound to be some form of a solution as well. To my understanding, the answer to trying to fill the gap comes with the ability to answer these two questions "what I want to do" and "what I am willing to do". The difficulty lies in overcoming the years spent making yourself believe that the answer to both is the same. It is quite challenging to overcome our conscious thinking, the layers of reasonings, the self-doubt that maybe the problem is something else, or simply the doubt if there is a problem in the first place.

Again, I have no medical understanding of psychology or its complexities so I cannot answer those questions either, but I do know how these moments feel like, and it can be a difficult time when you're trying to deal with it.

Thanks for reading.