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I have often heard people whine about how they want
‘stability’ in their lives, something to fall back on, to depend on after a
long hectic day of work. if I were to speak in terms of defining relationships
in the same way, marriage is nothing but a way to find some stability in an
otherwise hectic life, to be reassured that while all else may come and go,
that person who we love and loves us will be there for us. I don’t quite feel
the same way.
I find that over time, stability and routine can become
painfully boring and dull, the person you love and depend on becomes just a
person you care enough about to tolerate and live with, this is especially true
if either or both persons in a relationship don’t have a busy enough life of
their own or long distance relationships and such. Phrases like, ‘I will love
you forever’, ‘love you always’, ‘together for eternity’, a few years ago would
have made me feel all warm and tingly with love and affection but today these
words scare me. You may find me insensitive or crazy, or that I just don’t know
what love is, but point is I know myself better than anybody else, and I know
what I fear.
painfully boring and dull, the person you love and depend on becomes just a
person you care enough about to tolerate and live with, this is especially true
if either or both persons in a relationship don’t have a busy enough life of
their own or long distance relationships and such. Phrases like, ‘I will love
you forever’, ‘love you always’, ‘together for eternity’, a few years ago would
have made me feel all warm and tingly with love and affection but today these
words scare me. You may find me insensitive or crazy, or that I just don’t know
what love is, but point is I know myself better than anybody else, and I know
what I fear.
Forever sounds like a painfully long time, a dreary
unchanging stretch of time stretching out ahead of me, like walking through mud
in shackles. Perhaps I’m just an adrenaline junkie, simply cannot stay in one
place or with one person for too long. I constantly seek excitement and thrill,
the rush of natural drugs secreted by our own organs, to be on the edge. At
some point, I too would perhaps like to slow down and find someone who’s gonna
be there with me at the end of long day, a support in bad times, and someone to
share the sunsets with. But right now, I need that rush, the thrill of the
hunt, tracking, chasing, trying a shot, never certain if you’ll get your mark
or not, and with each failed mark your emotional strength grows. I’m not
looking at one night stands here, but those times when you want someone to keep
up the banter, both not sure of what would happen next, constantly on their
toes to not let the ground fall from beneath their feet.
unchanging stretch of time stretching out ahead of me, like walking through mud
in shackles. Perhaps I’m just an adrenaline junkie, simply cannot stay in one
place or with one person for too long. I constantly seek excitement and thrill,
the rush of natural drugs secreted by our own organs, to be on the edge. At
some point, I too would perhaps like to slow down and find someone who’s gonna
be there with me at the end of long day, a support in bad times, and someone to
share the sunsets with. But right now, I need that rush, the thrill of the
hunt, tracking, chasing, trying a shot, never certain if you’ll get your mark
or not, and with each failed mark your emotional strength grows. I’m not
looking at one night stands here, but those times when you want someone to keep
up the banter, both not sure of what would happen next, constantly on their
toes to not let the ground fall from beneath their feet.
From wanting certainty to surviving on the thrill of
uncertainty in life, I’m not sure whether I have matured or vice versa, or
simply become even more crazy since then.
Now I’m not saying that’s the best way, or the correct approach to life,
just my view, to live a life full of adrenaline and instability, to find sanity
in lunacy, and always be true to yourself.
uncertainty in life, I’m not sure whether I have matured or vice versa, or
simply become even more crazy since then.
Now I’m not saying that’s the best way, or the correct approach to life,
just my view, to live a life full of adrenaline and instability, to find sanity
in lunacy, and always be true to yourself.
